In a surprising twist of events, Senator Barack Obama accepted the GOP’s nomination for the President of the United States late this evening. After an arduous primary battle with Senator Hillary Clinton and losing the Pennsylvania primary on Tuesday, Senator Obama was facing possible defeat. On Wednesday morning, however, Obama received a call from RNC Chair Elec Tionrigger.
When asked why the GOP would shun their nominee, Senator John McCain, and back a Democrat, Republican National Committee spokesman Rich McRacists said, “While studying his run for his party’s nomination, we at the RNC realized he was “our kind of guy”. The spokesman went on to say traits Obama showed during his campaign, for instance beating up on the underdog, keeping women down, shoveling out money to beat the competition, and calling for a consensus outside the rules of the election, aligns him more with Republicans than Democrats. Furthermore, the RNC claims that Senator Obama’s most recent loss shows that he is out of touch with blue collar workers, something also inherently Republican.
The RNC claims that Senator Obama’s negative views on NAFTA are based on an irrational fear and hatred of Mexicans, which is something he and President Bush can both agree upon. When asked if his views on big business gel with those of the Republican party, McRacist noted that Goldman Sachs gave his campaign over a half million dollars, and other notable firms like JPMorgan Chase & Co, Lehman Brothers, Citigroup, Google, Time Warner, and Morgan Stanley round out the top of his campaign contribution list.
Finally, McRacist added, the dangling preposition in Obama’s campaign slogan, “Change We Can Believe In”, shows the same grammatical styling of some of the Republican’s most notable orators such as President George W. Bush and former Vice President James Danforth Quayle.